The Family You Choose

There is a wonderful new sitcom on television called “The New Normal.”  It is a not-so-subtle commentary on the shifting fabric of the American Family.    Although I was raised in the “blood-is-thicker-than-water” school, I have come to realize that the rich tapestry adding color to my life is woven from friendships cultivated in school, college, work, and the community.  As one TV character emphasized, “there are relatives, and then there is the family you choose.”  When I remember the most important days of my life, the faces I see next to my husband’s and children’s are the dear friends with whom we have shared the joy of life and with whom we have weathered life’s greatest storms.  Those time-tested friendships are priceless—meaning far more to us in their deliberate cling of support than any random genetic accident.

The most important thing we seek from our relatives is acceptance and unconditional love.   In some families, this gift is simply not forthcoming.   It is impossible for some people to overcome preconceived notions when children transition to the independence of adulthood.  Many people cannot cope with the success of others, or with choices that they do not understand or sanction.  Others only want to get something in return, hoping for flattery or looking for validation of their own lot in life.  It is unfortunate when those who are inherently rigid or narcissistic cannot bend to appreciate the beauty of the unexpected and original.  Life must be horribly disappointing to those who must have everything line up according to such narrow specifications.

I am blessed with a wonderful “family” that has never failed me.  Our table is full at every holiday with bright and happy faces while warm and intelligent conversation flows freely over a bounty a food.   I am never without an ear that is ready to listen or a shoulder on which to lean.  Together, we can ponder politics, literature, music, business, or science--all without disdain or disrespect.  We are equals—respectful humans who look forward to our time together.  We cheer each other’s successes, lament each other’s tragedies, and support each other unconditionally.  Isn’t that what family is for?

So let me take this moment to give a shout out to Susan and Jamie.   To Donna and Chris.  To Young and Mo.  Where would we be without Jane and Paul?  Or Flo and Paul?  Or Jane and Todd?  Or Andy and Betty?  Or Erik and Terri?  And all the beautiful and talented kids that come along with all of you.  You are the souls that fill us with friendship and happiness.  You elevate our lives.  You enrich our experience on this planet.  Without you, life not only wouldn’t be extraordinary; it just wouldn’t be “normal.”