The Semi-Charmed Life of a Faculty Wife

I am a faculty wife.  I am not complaining or making apologies; rather, I am reflecting on a role that I have played for nearly thirty years without ever making a conscious choice to do so.

When a man chooses an academic career, he enlists his wife as a lifelong partner in pursuit of his professional goals and activities.  This may sound like a sexist remark; however, as far as I can tell there is no parallel among husbands of academic women.  Faculty wives are a species unto themselves.

There is no formal job description for a faculty wife.  Across academic institutions nationwide, the duties for academic wifery are somewhat ad hoc in nature.   An upper boundary is non-existent (you cannot be too supportive or too involved), but fail to deliver against expectations and you can singlehandedly derail your husband’s career.  There are scores of events where attendance is compulsory, where conservative dress is required, and where decorum goes without saying.

Many of the challenges of academia are social in nature.   Mandatory gatherings resemble sacred rituals, where creators of knowledge walk among the merely mortal, exhibiting their humanity in ways that say, mockingly, “Anyone can do this.”   The wives in these settings are frequently overlooked by the knowledge brokers, or acknowledged only in a cursory fashion.  But among the wives themselves is a definite pecking order, one that is determined by the relative rank of their husbands.  The dean’s wife is the de facto dean of the wives, while an intern’s wife—despite her own educational attainment or successful professional career—is treated as if she, herself, were an intern.

My husband entered his clinical training with an eye toward an academic career.  I have therefore grown into my role as a faculty wife slowly, rising in relative rank in a track parallel to my husband’s.  It is only recently that I have come to appreciate the career I have served in my faculty wife capacity.  And while I have enjoyed the ride personally, I strongly caution that this life is not for everyone.  For this reason, I offer my own Faculty Wife Top Ten List.

1.       You may be a faculty wife if you suggest hosting departmental parties when it isn’t a holiday season.

2.       You may be a faculty wife if you can name more than five of your husband’s peer-reviewed journal publications.

3.       You may be a faculty wife if you know the difference between first author and last author.

4.       You may be a faculty wife if you own enough wine glasses and buffet plates to serve sixty people without rentals.

5.       You may be a faculty wife if you read your husband’s abstracts to your children as bedtime stories.

6.       You may be a faculty wife if your only vacations are to places where your husband has meetings or gives speeches.

7.       You may be a faculty wife if all your couple friends include your husband’s colleagues from other institutions.

8.       You may be a faculty wife if your furniture is embossed with university seals.

9.       You may be a faculty wife if you attend dinners with people who have buildings named for them.

10.   You may be a faculty wife if you know as much about your husband’s field as he does without having earned the requisite degrees.

Tomorrow's blog:  One Seventy Five