Every once in a while you have to let your brain recharge. Today is such a day.
I confess that when I committed to doing a blog-a-day for a full year I did not think it through. In fact, I deliberately posted my intentions quickly in order to keep myself from chickening out. There is a woman who follows this blog (and I think she will recognize herself in this) who used to tell me, “You push yourself out on a limb and then work to pull yourself back in.” Of course there is also the wisdom that warns “Act in haste, repent in leisure.” (OK, that expression is really about marriage, but you get my point.) Now that I have been writing for twenty-seven days straight, even continuing to spew content while on a week-long vacation in the Pacific Northwest, I am beginning to realize that there may have been alternatives to this aggressive plan. For example, would you have thought any less of me had I said I would do a blog per week for a year? Could I satisfy you with the occasional recipe, rather than a fully-formed thought?
On the other hand, I am happy with how this is turning out. True, not every blog is noteworthy or pressworthy, but I am getting more comfortable exploring the reaches of my eye, my voice, my opinions, and sometimes my courage. They say that the best writing comes from talking about what you know. What “they” don’t tell you is how difficult it can be to speak honestly about your own pain or culpability. I think some of the best stories are born of conflict; those can be difficult to write, and I’m guessing, to read as well. There is poignancy to being human that is not unique to me. Some of you have shared with me how my experiences resonate with your own. If these tales help you resolve feelings, relive memories, or remind you to call someone with whom you have lost touch then it is all worthwhile.
I promised myself that if I reached a thousand “hits” I would stop and reflect on this experience. Many of you may have noticed that I remarked about this milestone a couple of days ago; this is because I try to write at least a day or two ahead to give me a cushion in case I need it. I have a rule that I always post my blogs in the order in which I write them. One day I considered re-arranging blogs because I thought the titles looked too similar, but then I realized that this introduced an endless variability that could have me second guessing myself for weeks. One reader asked whether I was really posting at 3am. I am able to set the times in advance for each blog. I’ve been using 6:00-6:30am as a posting time, but the Blogger tool is owned by Google, which I am guessing is nestled comfortably in Silicon Valley; hence Pacific Standard Time.
Despite my public scorn for technology (or perhaps it is really my nostalgia for the past) I have come to realize how powerful social networking can be. I doubt that without it I would be in active contact with 1) former classmates from grade-school through grad-school, 2) former clients, 3) musicians with whom I attended music camp at the age of 15, 4) co-workers from California and Atlanta (many of whom no longer live in either place), 5) offspring of my parents’ friends, 6) ex-relatives, 7) ex-boyfriends, 8) high school teachers, 9) former professors, and 10) geographically dispersed nieces and nephews.
I am overwhelmed by the amount of time you all spend on your computers! Don’t you have jobs, lives, families? Seriously, though, without this connection to all of you I doubt I would have the determination and energy to keep the blogs coming. I realized a long time ago that I am an audience-driven person. This is a warped manifestation of my competitiveness. I seem to be missing the gene that drives others to work for their own gratification. I need the burning gaze of a crowd to keep me engaged and motivated. For this reason, I am so thankful to those of you who take the time to follow my blog and leave the occasional comment.
Finally, there are 338 days left in this year. I have stories to tell, but I can really use some stimulating ideas. Feel free to challenge me, or toss me a random topic upon which to rant.
Tomorrow's blog: A Ballade for Uncle Bob
Tomorrow's blog: A Ballade for Uncle Bob
Oh, keep it up Mommadods! I am still out there reading them, though I don't always get to your blogs on the same day you write them. As you can see, I am a few days behind. Anyway, how about writing about the stresses of living with someone else in an apartment that is 2 x 2. Where might that apartment be?
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